


You Need Someone to Understand

by SocialDegenerate



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Developing Relationship, Dick Pics, Friends to Lovers, Identity Porn, M/M, Masturbation, Online Friendship, Sexting, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-21 16:57:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15562302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDegenerate/pseuds/SocialDegenerate
Summary: Gladio doesn't know his online friend's name, but he can talk to him about anything: life, sexuality, his growing crush on Ignis...He was Gladiolus Amicitia, Shield to the future King of Lucis. There was no way a guy like him could be one of those gay men he saw on TV comedies, who wore makeup and looked like they couldn’t lift ten kilos if their lives depended on it.





	1. 15/16

**Author's Note:**

> I read a bunch of my favourite trope and wanted to play around with some identity stuff, so here we are lmao. This is another one of my fics where each chapter is set a few years apart, because apparently I really like writing those, and I'll update the tags as I go along (chapter 3 is mostly smut tbh).
> 
> This fic is complete at 10k words, and I'll post a new chapter every week or so.

Hearing the front door click shut, Gladio slowly counted to thirty and waited to see if Jared and Iris would come back to grab something they’d forgotten. When they didn’t, and he’d counted to thirty again for good measure, he grabbed his laptop and jumped off the couch.

He was practically running to his room and he didn’t even care, slamming the door behind him and sitting up on his bed. It was rare that he ever had the house to himself and Iris would only be at her friend’s place for so long; he adored her but she always wanted to know what he was doing, and there was no way he could possibly do this with her hanging over his shoulder.

His heart pounding in his chest, Gladio glanced up at his closed door and opened his web browser, letting the cursor blink in the search bar as he wondered how to phrase his question. He wasn’t used to feeling so unsure and that only made him feel _worse,_ like a big jumble of confusing emotions and anxious worries.

Shaking his head like that would help clear the mess out of his brain, Gladio took a deep breath and forced himself to type, keeping things as simple as possible.

_Am I gay?_

The loading seemed to stretch on for an unfairly long time, Gladio biting at his short thumbnail while he waited for the search results to load. He wanted an answer, but at the same time he was terrified of what that answer might be.

He was _Gladiolus Amicitia,_ Shield to the future King of Lucis. There was no way a guy like him could be one of those gay men he saw on TV comedies, who wore makeup and looked like they couldn’t lift ten kilos if their lives depended on it. Besides, it wasn’t like he didn’t get turned on by women; his teenage brain was probably confused when he got the same feelings watching the Crownsguard’s men work out.

It was a phase. He’d grow up to be totally normal and he could look back and laugh about the time he’d thought he was gay.

By the time the page finished loading, Gladio had convinced himself that the answer to his question was a firm ‘no’. Still, he glanced over the first page of results, taking in the news articles about treatments that claimed to turn gay people straight, the links to quizzes that claimed 100% accuracy in finding out if someone was gay, the gossip sites that had lists of celebrities who were apparently secretly gay.

None of that sounded particularly helpful- he wasn’t going to do a _quiz_ for Bahamut’s sake- and Gladio sighed as he went to close the page. Before he did, though, the last link on the page caught his eye and made him hesitate.

_A forum for people who are feeling confused,_ the results blurb said. Even though he’d talked himself out of his confusion, Gladio had to admit that his curiosity was still getting the best of him. He was _sure_ he was straight, but there was no harm in looking, right?

Shrugging and clicking through to the page, Gladio raised an eyebrow at the kind of ads flashing on the side of the screen but tried not to let it distract him too much. There’d be time for porn later, when his dick was less confused about what it wanted.

The forum had a bunch of different sub pages and, deciding to start with the most relevant one, Gladio clicked on the page for people who had questions about their sexuality.

_Are you curious, confused, or just plain lost?_ The top of the page asked. _Here’s where you can ask questions without any judgement._ Gladio wasn’t sure how true that would be, considering some of the forums he’d seen, but he opened the latest thread on the page anyway.

Skimming over the first post- a woman in her 20s who wasn’t sure if she was in love with her best friend- Gladio was surprised to find that the answers seemed to be genuinely helpful. Still, Gladio was fairly sure he’d answered his question on his own, and with a vague thought that he hoped the woman was happy, he closed the browser window and opened up a game.

He couldn’t concentrate, though, and after his fifth stupid death in a row he groaned and quit the game. The gnawing feeling in his stomach had returned with a vengeance, and he couldn’t stop thinking about how much better he’d feel if someone could tell him he was okay, that he was normal.

Opening his internet history- he’d have to remember to delete that- Gladio went back to the forum and started a new account. In a brief flash of paranoia he started a whole new email account for it, suddenly terrified that someone would be able to trace the account back to him. The screen name tripped him up for a moment before he decided to use the name of one of his favourite characters, and soon enough the new thread page was sitting open in front of him, the empty text box taunting him.

He had a few false starts before he managed to get the first part of his question out, trying to give enough information without giving himself away. If someone figured out it was _him,_ he would die of humiliation on the spot, and then the answer to his question wouldn’t matter at all.

_I’m 16 years old and I spend a lot of time at the gym,_ he started. That was normal enough, right? _Lately I’ve been getting distracted by some of the other guys there and having some weird dreams about them. I still think women are sexy so there’s no way I’m gay, right? Is this normal for a guy my age?_

His sudden flash of confidence didn’t extend to hitting the post button, though, and he sat there for a few moments with his thoughts pulling him in every direction. Rolling his eyes at how stupid he was being, Gladio hit post and closed the laptop, wandering down to the kitchen for something to eat.

He spent the next thirty minutes trying to think of anything other than the post he’d made, doing enough handstand pushups that his entire body hurt. But he couldn’t ignore it forever, and soon enough he was refreshing the forum to see if he’d gotten any answers.

There were a few, and his heart was racing as he read the first one.

_Have you considered that you might be bisexual?_ The first one said, making Gladio frown. He’d heard of it, but he’d never really understood what that meant. The poster didn’t go into any other details so he skipped to the next post, a longer one that had a few links scattered through it.

_I agree,_ the post started. _It sounds like you might be bisexual or even something else- there’s a lot more out there than gay and straight. I guess it’s possible that you might just be curious, but you don’t have to pick one kind of person to be attracted to. This site helped me out a lot when I was coming to terms with being gay, but they have information on bisexuality and others as well:_

Gladio clicked on the link but went back to finish the post, a terrified nausea crawling in his gut as he wondered if he’d been wrong about himself for his entire life. _P.S.: You’re normal no matter what your sexuality is. Don’t let anyone tell you differently._

Gladio wasn’t sure how much time he lost falling down an internet rabbit hole, going from the site he’d been linked to, to sites linked to on that site, further and further until he knew more about human sexuality than he’d ever realised was out there. He felt secure and adrift all at once, the stuff about bisexuality resonating with him while terrifying him in that _he wasn’t straight._

Closing the laptop again- after scrubbing his history clean- Gladio stared at the wall and tried to make sense of everything

* * *

It wasn’t until late that night that he ventured back to the forum, clicking through to the profile of the person who’d answered him in detail. Years of etiquette training meant he couldn’t let the help go by without at least a ‘thank you’, but he was surprised when the poster’s profile said they were only 15.

...Or at least, they _claimed_ to be 15. Gladio had sat through enough lectures on internet safety to not trust that right off the bat, but they _claimed_ to be a 15 year old boy who lived in Insomnia. As a 16 year old boy who lived in Insomnia, he was glad that they at least had that in common.

Opening a new private message, Gladio tried not to pour too many of his feelings out onto a stranger, but he wasn’t sure how well he actually achieved that.

_Hi,  
I wanted to say thanks for answering my question. I still have a few things to figure out, but it really helped a lot. I think you’re right and I’m bisexual- it’d explain a few things I never really thought about. _

He put his real name at the end of the message before hesitating and deleting it, replacing it instead with his screen name. His first name wasn’t particularly _un_ common, but it was still a little more personal than he was willing to get with a stranger on the internet. Sending the message, he browsed a few more sites and checked back occasionally, shocked when a response came through within ten minutes.

_Karus,_ the message started, using the first half of Gladio’s screen name.

_I’m glad I could help. The people on this forum helped me a couple of months ago, so I’m always happy when I can help someone else in return. I see we’re around the same age, so if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to about what it’s like to be young and confused, you know where to find me._  
This might be off-topic, but did you choose your screen name from Henruit’s books? It took me a moment to realise why it was so familiar.  
Thanks,  
Spectare

The first half of the message was nice and Gladio thought he might take up that offer, but it was the second half that had him grinning widely and quickly typing out a new message.

_Hey Spectare,_  
Have you read them??? Karus is my favourite character, I love the way he adores his family even though he has to be away from them too much. I think I like the third book the most, but they’re all so good I can never decide.  
And thanks for the offer, I’ll keep it in mind. I have a feeling I might need it.  
\- Karus

It was a little embarrassing how much Gladio pressed refresh as he waited for another message, barely caring about the time even though he had school the next day. It was worth it when another message rolled in, Gladio replying pretty much instantly.

Was that a little desperate? He didn’t really care.

Karus,  
Sorry to say I haven’t actually read them. I have a good friend who loves them, so I learned a lot from listening to him to the point where it feels like I did read them myself. I’m sure he thinks I zone out when he starts talking about them, but it’s nice to hear him being so passionate about something.  
Like I said, my PMs are always open to you if you need to talk.  
Thanks,  
Spectare

Hey Spectare,  
I’ve gotta take some time to think about all this stuff still, but I’m sure I’ll have a bunch of questions to ask once I get my shit sorted out. You might end up regretting that offer LOL.  
I feel bad for my friends because I know they haven’t read the books but I have to talk to someone about them. One of my friends borrowed the first one off me to read, but I think he tossed it in his room and forgot about it. I’m gonna have to steal it back at some point, I think!  
You should really read them, though- I’m sure your friend can’t have told you everything about them. And then I’ll have someone to talk about them with!  
\- Karus

It probably was about time he rescued his book back off Noctis. If he hadn’t read it by now there was no way he was going to, and Gladio kind of wanted to reread the entire series.

It would be even better if he could read them alongside Spectare, Gladio decided as he pressed refresh again.

* * *

“Did you stay up all night playing video games?” Ignis asked as he prodded at Gladio’s shoulder, leaning across the aisle from his own desk. “You’re not copying my homework if you forgot to do it.”

Lifting his head off the desk, Gladio shot Ignis a bleary smile. “Wasn’t video games, it was porn.”

“Shameless,” Ignis laughed. Gladio wasn’t about to admit that the reason he was so tired was because he’d been up all night thinking about his sexuality, even after Spectare had bid him good night and logged off.

“You should try it, might relax you a bit.” Putting his head back down, Gladio looked across at Ignis and found himself wondering what Ignis’ sexuality was. He’d realised how many of the stereotypes in his head were completely wrong, and although he’d long assumed that himself and everyone around him was straight, he was quickly realising that that wasn’t the case.

He definitely knew it was rude to ask, though, and so he kept his thoughts to himself. _He_ didn’t really want to talk about the realisations he’d had with someone he knew in person, so he couldn’t expect everyone else to be okay with it.

Maybe Gladio could ask when he decided to come out- although he didn’t think that would be for a while. He had a lot of things to get straight- or not so much- in his head, and he already had a list of things he wanted to ask Spectare when he had a chance.

The teacher walked into the room then and Gladio sat up, barely taking in the lesson as he thought about how his life might change.

He had good friends in person and he thought Spectare would be a good friend to have online, so he was fairly sure that things would work out okay. It might not be _easy,_ but he lived for a challenge.

Couldn’t be any harder than having to teach Noct how to fight, really.


	2. 17/18

“What’re you smiling about?” Noctis asked as he flopped down on the couch beside Gladio, Prompto taking the other side. “Mailing your _girlfriend?”_

“None of your business,” Gladio said, turning off the screen of his Libraphone 4. He didn’t need Noctis and Prompto reading over his shoulders as he mailed Spectare, especially when they didn’t even know about his mysterious online friend.

Well, Spectare wasn’t _that_ mysterious. Gladio didn’t know his real name or what he looked like, but he knew that Spectare was finishing high school at the top of his class, that he liked watching terrible TV, that he liked sketching whenever he had the chance. Gladio was also pretty sure he had a part-time job in a kitchen because he mentioned cooking a lot, but Gladio hadn’t wanted to pry too much.

After the forum they’d met on had shut down, they’d switched from PMs to mails and Gladio felt like they’d gotten closer than ever before. Even two years on he still hadn’t come out to anyone in person and it felt nice to have someone who knew, who he could talk about girls _or_ boys with.

“Ooo, Gladio has a girlfriend,” Noctis crowed. “Who is she?”

“There’s no girlfriend,” Gladio said, rolling his eyes. “It’s just a friend.”

“That means girlfriend!” Prompto joined in, and for a moment Gladio considered knocking their heads together. The urge only increased when Noctis turned around to kneel up on the couch, calling out to where Ignis was cooking dinner in the kitchen.

“Hey, Iggy! What do you know about Gladio’s girlfriend? He won’t tell us anything!”

“Shut your mouth,” Gladio grumbled, slapping a hand over Noctis’ mouth and wrestling him down. He didn’t mind the teasing that much, but considering the fluttery feelings that he’d realised Ignis gave him, the last thing he wanted was to make Ignis think that he had a girlfriend.

He hadn’t quite worked out if it was a _crush_ yet; he’d been meaning to talk it through with Spectare, but much like when he’d first reached out about his sexuality he was worried about what the answer might be.

He didn’t even know if Ignis swung that way, although he had his suspicions. There was something in the way Ignis artfully avoided conversations about crushes and dating that made Gladio wonder. But the last thing he wanted to do was pressure Ignis into admitting anything, so he didn’t bring it up or call attention to it when he saw Ignis avoiding the topic.

“I wasn’t aware he had a girlfriend,” Ignis said, wiping his hands on a teatowel as he walked into the room. “Is she nice?”

“She’s not _anything,_ because she doesn’t exist,” Gladio said. Catching Noctis and Prompto in loose headlocks, Gladio rocked them from side to side. “Apologise to Iggy for bothering him.”

“It’s fine-”

“Sorry, Iggy,” Noctis and Prompto said in chorus, Gladio grinning and letting them go.

“Okay, so it’s not a girlfriend,” Noctis said, “But it’s someone you like?”

“Like I said, none of your business.”

“I’m your prince, you have to tell me,” Noctis said, sticking his tongue out and gracelessly flopping off the couch when Gladio grabbed for him again.

“That’s not a rule,” Gladio said, looking to Ignis for confirmation. “Right?”

“It could be,” Ignis said with a sly smirk. Groaning, Gladio pointed a finger at Ignis and narrowed his eyes.

“I’m gonna remember this next time you want help.” Ignis laughed brightly and Gladio couldn’t even pretend to be mad anymore, too distracted by the way it set a fire in his gut and made him want to revel in the beauty of it forever.

...Okay, he probably didn’t need Spectare to confirm it was crush, but he’d still feel better about it if he had someone to talk with who wouldn’t judge him. But he couldn’t do that with dumb and dumber hanging off him, so he shoved his phone into his pocket and stood up to help Ignis with whatever was left for dinner.

“Just so you know,” Gladio said, beginning to pile the dirty dishes by the sink, “there’s no girlfriend.”

“I didn’t think there was,” Ignis said. His voice sounded a little strange, though, and Gladio turned to size him up.

“You okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Ignis asked, now perfectly normal. Deciding he must have imagined it, Gladio started the tap to fill the sink.

“Thought exam stress might have been getting to you, but I should know that Mr Number One Student wouldn’t be brought down by something like that.”

“Sounds like wishful thinking from Mr Number Two Student,” Ignis grinned, earning himself a light hip check as he sat a dirty knife on the sink.

“Okay well first of all, that’s fucking rude,” Gladio said with a laugh, gesturing at Ignis with the detergent bottle before he dumped a healthy amount into the sink. “Second of all, I’d have you beat if I hadn’t messed up that one maths test.”

“You can say that as many times as you like, it won’t make it true.”

“Why am I even helping you, you’re a dick,” Gladio grumbled playfully. He started washing the dishes anyway, only flicking a _little_ bit of detergent foam at Ignis when the urge struck him. He figured he’d gotten away with it until Ignis opened the freezer and a moment later an ice cube was stuck down the back of his shirt, Ignis cackling when Gladio yelped and tried to get it out.

“Uncalled for!” Gladio declared when the ice finally dropped to the floor, although he knew he’d do it all over again to see Ignis bent at the waist, clutching the counter for support from how hard he was laughing.

“I think it was plenty called for,” Ignis said, wheezing slightly. “Now help me plate this up, please.”

“Only because you asked nicely.”

Leaving the rest of the dishes for later, Gladio helped Ignis portion the food out, knowing that Ignis pretended not to notice when he gave himself a bit extra. There were always plenty of leftovers anyway, and it wasn’t like Noctis needed as much energy as he did.

On second thought, he piled a little more on Ignis’ plate as well, ignoring Ignis’ protests. “You don’t eat enough. You’ll never get muscles like these if you go hungry.”

Flexing his arm, Gladio laughed when Ignis playfully shoved him. “You’re assuming I _want_ to look like a muscle-bound idiot.”

“Excuse you, I’m fucking beautiful,” Gladio said. Putting down the pot he was holding, he started pulling a series of increasingly ridiculous bodybuilding poses that made Ignis laugh so hard, Prompto and Noctis stuck their heads in to see what was happening. Their presence put an end to Gladio’s flirting, which was probably a good thing in the long run; he didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Ignis over a crush he’d barely realised he had.

Distracting everyone by handing out plates, Gladio gave Ignis one last smile and walked over to the dining table, settling in for a night with his friends. He’d reply to Spectare’s mail later, when he didn’t have to worry about people asking what he was up to.

* * *

_I think I have a crush on my friend._

Gladio considered adding more, but that was really the long and short of it. Their messages were a lot less formal now that they were actually friends, and it was a lot easier to hold an actual conversation now that they weren’t using forum PMs. Tossing his phone down beside his textbook, Gladio went back to history for a few minutes while he waited for the _ping_ of a new mail.

It took a little longer than he’d hoped, but Spectare was almost always reliable and even when he wasn’t, Gladio didn’t exactly have any stones to throw in that department. Between exams, his own training, and working with Noctis, he didn’t have a glut of free time.

_Which one?_

He’d spent enough time talking to Spectare that they vaguely knew about each other’s friends, although Gladio had changed a few details so that it didn’t seem obvious that he was talking about _the Crown Prince of Lucis and his retainers._ They didn’t talk about their friends too much but they knew the basic outlines, and Gladio smiled as he described Ignis in terms he knew Spectare would understand.

_The smart one who keeps outdoing me on exams. He’s...perfect, really._

He restrained himself to that much, not trusting himself to not write an entire essay about every part of Ignis he liked. He definitely had it worse than he’d thought, but he didn’t hate the feeling.

He’d never had such a strong crush on another boy before, and he was pleasantly surprised to realise that he didn’t feel ashamed or worried about it. It was perfectly natural, and Spectare had long helped him realise that there was nothing wrong with him and the way he felt.

Speaking of, his phone buzzed in his hand and Gladio eagerly opened the new mail.

_Are you going to tell him?_

_I don’t know,_ Gladio started. He really didn’t: especially when he wasn’t sure if Ignis even liked men. Suspicions weren’t as good as confirmation, and he definitely didn’t want Ignis to feel uncomfortable around him. They had to work together for probably the rest of their lives, and Gladio didn’t want a few teenage hormones to make that any more difficult than it had to be.

_Probably not_ , he admitted. He didn’t want to have to explain why, knowing that it would be too hard to explain without having to give a few too many identifying details, but thankfully Spectare didn’t push.

He never really did, which Gladio thought was both a blessing and a curse. It was good in that he never felt pressured, but infuriating in that he’d _love_ to poke for a few more details about Spectare and couldn’t. He’d extend his friend the same courtesy that he himself received, and he’d be gracious about it.

_Well it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’ve done the same, but I think there’s someone he already likes,_ Spectare replied. Gladio laughed, shaking his head at how useless they both were.

_I fessed up to which one so you have to do the same. We’re all in this together, Spectare._

The next message took a little longer to come, Gladio managing to read an entire page of his textbook before he was eagerly picking up his phone again. He thoroughly enjoyed the little flashes he got of Spectare’s life, something different to his own. He knew there weren’t many people out there who lived a life like he did, so it was always interesting to hear about other lives.

_The one who likes the same books you do, actually. His gym rat body distracts me at the best of times._

_Good taste in books AND a rockin’ bod?_ Gladio sent back, his fingers flying across the screen. _Better be careful or I’ll figure out who he is and steal him off you._

Idly imagining what kind of man would catch Spectare’s attention, Gladio flipped his phone between his fingers. Spectare was well-spoken and continually surprised Gladio with how smart he was. There were times when he actually reminded Gladio a bit of Ignis, although Gladio wondered if that was wishful thinking on his part as to Ignis being interested in men.

But if Spectare was into fit men who liked Henruit, maybe Ignis would be too.

Snorting at his own ridiculousness, Gladio put the phone down and closed up his textbook, dropping it and his notebook onto the floor beside his bed. He wasn’t going to get anything else done now that he’d apparently caught Spectare in a talkative mood, and he settled back in bed to wait for a reply.

It came through before too long, his phone vibrating where it was sitting on his chest and sending a shiver through him.

_If you do, I’ll have to fight you; and I promise I can hold my own._

This was the first Gladio had heard of that, but he had to admit it intrigued him. Spectare’s declaration could mean anything from ‘had taken a few self-defence classes’ to ‘held a black belt or five’, although Gladio was fairly confident that he’d win in a fight between them. There was no way Spectare would even suspect that he was talking to a Royal Shield, and there weren’t many people who could take Gladio on.

Unless he’d completely lied about who he was, and Gladio’s internet friend was actually- he shuddered at the thought- _Cor_ , or something.

But they’d been mailing for long enough that Gladio was pretty sure that Spectare was who he said he was. He knew things that Gladio doubted any adult would, and they _clicked_ in a way that only two people in similar circumstances could. Gladio still wasn’t willing to completely reveal his identity, of course, but he trusted his friend.

_That’s kinda hot,_ he finally typed back before hesitating. Flirting was starting to come naturally to him, although he was more comfortable trying it on with women than with men who might have reacted badly to another man flirting with them; but it wasn’t as if it was the first flirty thing he’d ever sent to Spectare.

Shrugging, Gladio decided to keep it in. He didn’t get enough practice at flirting with other men, and at least Spectare wouldn’t think he was a freak for it. _Brains AND good in a fight? Forget your friend, I guess it’s true that all the good ones are gay._

_That’s not entirely true,_ the almost-instant reply read. _Some of the good ones are bi._

Letting out a loud laugh, Gladio revelled in the warm feeling that gave him and rocked a little from side to side. If he actually knew who Spectare was, he had an awfully strong suspicion that he probably would have had a crush on him instead of- or maybe as well as- Ignis. But it was hard for a faceless mystery to measure up to the package of perfection that Ignis had grown up to be, so Gladio had to settle for only having one hopeless crush.

Another message came through before Gladio had even responded to the first, Gladio left smiling helplessly in the face of Spectare’s relentless support. _And if your friend doesn’t see that, then that’s on him and not you._

_Same goes for you. Here’s to stupid crushes and not getting the appreciation we deserve._

_Thank you. Have a good night, Karus. Sleep well._

Gladio hadn’t realised how tired he was until that moment, and he yawned as he typed out his last message for the day.

_You too. Night._

Hopping out of bed for long enough to turn off his light and ditch his shirt, Gladio had a smile on his face as he settled in for the night. Sure, he had exams coming up and an awkward crush on one of his closest friends, but he was surrounded by amazing people and felt more comfortable in his skin than ever before.

For all his worries that not being straight was going to ruin his life, he thought he was doing pretty well regardless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Libraphone is a legit thing in-game, you can find posters for it (and the Libratablet) underneath Insomnia where they expanded it for the Royal Edition.


	3. 20/21

If there was one thing Gladio loved about having his own apartment, it was that no one bothered him if he wanted to leave the bathroom in his underwear- or nothing at all.

Well, he was also pretty happy about being able to bring people back to his place in peace, and being able to leave his stuff wherever he wanted, and not having to worry about being interrupted while-

_Anyway._

Flopping down on his bed, Gladio didn’t need to make sure that his door was closed when he picked up his Libraphone 6 in one hand and fiddled with the waistband of his underwear with the other.

He’d barely resisted the urge to jerk off in the shower after the day he’d had: one of the women he’d been casually seeing had sent him a few teasing pictures that he hadn’t had a chance to enjoy yet, _and_ he’d gone through the unique torture of training with a sweaty, shirtless Ignis for most of the afternoon.

His crush on Ignis had simmered down to more of a slow burn than a raging fire, but it tended to flare up when Ignis flipped his daggers and jumped at him with a predatory gleam in his eyes, looking like a dangerous wet dream come to life. There had been an odd tension between them after they’d come out to each other, but it had faded away after a few confusing days and Gladio hadn’t been willing to risk ruining things again by asking Ignis out.

Noctis needed them to be at their best, and there were other hot people in Insomnia. Ignis was a great friend and Gladio was happy to take whatever he could get. So even if he was going to be turned on by Ignis, he’d get off with someone else, and he knew there was a sexy woman waiting to hear back from him.

Well, she’d sent him pictures, so he was more than happy to return the favour.

Palming himself through his underwear, Gladio let his cock harden as his thoughts flicked from Raeda’s short skirt and skimpy knickers to Ignis’ heaving, sweat-slicked chest and back again. It didn’t take much of that for him to be making an obvious bulge in his underwear, the waistband pulled down enough to be a tease.

Flexing his abdominals to emphasise his muscles, Gladio quickly snapped a few pictures and idly rolled his hips as he chose the best one. Switching to his anonymous messaging app he opened a new message and attached the picture, thinking for a moment before adding, _Do you wanna help me out? Got any more where those pics came from?_

Not his best work, but his brain wasn’t the one in charge at that moment. Opening the recipient list, Gladio paused when he saw Spectare’s name sitting near the top of the list. Even though they’d switched from emailing to the messaging app, Gladio hadn’t found much time to chat with his friend and he was suddenly hit with a sense of missing the man who had helped him through so much.

He’d have to message Spectare once he wasn’t sitting there with his cock trying to put a hole through his underwear.

Shaking his head, Gladio picked a name from the list and hit send, thoughts of Spectare still trying to encroach on the fantasies that were playing through his mind. He felt bad about not having time for his friend, but his schedule had already been pretty packed before he’d added casual dating. Something had needed to give, and unfortunately it had been his friendship with someone he’d never met in real life.

He hoped Spectare had other people to talk to so that he didn’t feel Gladio’s absence; but he hadn’t exactly been messaging Gladio either, so he figured they must have both been a little too busy.

Despite his distracted thoughts, Gladio’s dick twitched when his phone buzzed and he eagerly unlocked it, getting more comfortable on his bed. He opened the new message and froze, mortified horror crushing him as he read and re-read the new message.

_I don’t think this was intended for me._

He clung to the irrational hope that Raeda was playing a trick on him, but the name at the top of the screen didn’t lie. Apparently he was stupid when he was horny, because his distraction had led to him sending the picture to the person he’d been thinking about: Spectare.

For a split second, Gladio considered rolling with it. It (probably) wouldn’t have been the stupidest thing he’d ever done, and at least he hadn’t sent his dick to a straight man.

...Not that he had anyone other than hookups and Spectare on that particular app, but that wasn’t the point.

In any case, he talked himself out of that in a few moments, and went instead to extremely apologetic. _Fuck, I’m so sorry. I was thinking I should message you and apparently my brain decided that meant I should message you RIGHT NOW instead of the woman I meant to talk to._

Gladio’s dick had more or less given up the game by that point, leaving him stewing in his own shame as he waited to see if Spectare would message back or block him and move on. Even if they’d kind of fallen out of contact, he didn’t want his friend to hate him over a stupid mistake. Though if there was any reason to block someone, Gladio figured an unsolicited dick pic was a pretty good one.

This time he only felt relief when his phone went off, the quick reply helping to soothe his nerves. Spectare was a reasonable guy, and Gladio should have known that he wouldn’t flip his shit over a stupid error like that.

_It’s okay, I understand. Does that mean you have a girlfriend now?_

_Nah,_ Gladio replied, immediately falling into the easy friendship that he’d missed more than he had actually realised. _A casual hookup, I don’t have time for a partner right now._

Spectare’s reply was a long time coming, and Gladio was half considering giving up and going to sleep when it finally did arrive.

_I feel less bad about how much I liked your picture, then._

“Oh, come _on,”_ Gladio mumbled, his cock perking right back up again. That absolutely wasn’t fair after he’d spent so much time tearing himself to shreds about it. Still, he wasn’t one to look a gift chocobo in the mouth, so he took a deep breath and put himself back into the mental space he’d slipped out of.

_If you’re gonna say stuff like that, you’ve got to back it up._ Licking his dry lips, Gladio relaxed back into his mattress and ran his hand across his lower belly, revelling in sensation and enjoying the rush of blood back to his cock. He had his phone in a death grip and it felt like it took forever to get a reply, but it was worth it.

The picture on his screen wasn’t that much different from the one he’d sent himself, similarly angled and anonymous, but a long-fingered hand was curled around Spectare’s covered cock. Gladio wanted that to be his hand, his eyes tracking over muscles that were less defined than his own but still drool worthy, and he told Spectare as much while he slipped his fingers inside his underwear.

_Oh? What would you do with me, if I was in your bed?_ It was accompanied by another picture, this one with Spectare’s underwear pulled low enough to show off the groomed hair above his cock.

Gladio had a million ideas in his head for things he wanted to do with his smart, bitingly funny, endlessly supportive and apparently fit and well-hung friend, but he restrained himself to playing things a bit coy. He wasn’t a total tease, though, so he pulled his hard cock out of his underwear and attached a picture alongside the message.

_Think I need to know what I’m working with first._

Stroking himself slowly, enough to keep the pleasure up but nowhere near enough to come, Gladio started to compose his next message in his head. It went straight out the window when the next message came through, a short video clip attached of Spectare jerking himself off, fingers teasing the head at the top of every stroke.

_I’d love to suck your cock,_ Gladio typed after he managed to close the video, his own cock twitching in his hand. _I bet you make the sexiest noises._

_I haven’t had any complaints yet, although I doubt you have either with a cock like that,_ Spectare replied, and Gladio groaned quietly as he gripped himself a little tighter. He was still trying to pull together enough brain power to reply when his phone buzzed again, and he fumbled a little bit as he tried to split his attention between his phone and his dick.

_That’s the kind of cock I’d love to feel pounding me through the mattress._

Gladio’s hips jerked up and he put his phone down for long enough to grab the lube and slick his hand, feeling a flash of disappointment that he didn’t have enough hands to use his phone _and_ jerk off _and_ fuck himself with a finger or two. His dick was taking priority in the moment, and so he settled for picking up the pace a bit now that he could work more smoothly.

_Your cock’s doing the same to me. If I didn’t want to talk to you so badly, I’d be fucking myself open on my fingers right now._

_I’ll take that as a compliment,_ Spectare sent back. _I’d love to see it, but another time perhaps._

Feeling a little thrill at the idea of Spectare wanting to go again when they hadn’t even finished the first time, Gladio took a picture of the damp head of his cock, precome trickling from the tip. It was getting a little hard to think of an accompanying message that would actually make sense so he didn’t bother, letting the image speak for itself.

Spectare, predictably enough, didn’t seem to have the same problem. _Which do you like more? Do you want to fuck me, or would you prefer to let me indulge in your tight ass?_

Not having a reference for anything above or below the crotch wasn’t stopping Gladio’s imagination from conjuring up a perfect fantasy, his mind immediately jumping to being laid out on his front with Spectare fucking deep into him and making him shake with pleasure.

_I want you to fuck me until I see stars,_ Gladio admitted. He was usually happy to take whatever he could get, whichever way he could get it, but seeing Spectare’s cock made him want to get his hands, mouth and ass on it however possible. He was oddly, utterly certain that Spectare would be able to fuck him properly, and right then he wanted nothing else.

_You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?_ There was another video this time, and Gladio could hear heavy breathing when he listened closely. The sound only added to his fantasy, and his hips were thrusting up to meet his hand as he imagined feeling Spectare’s panting breaths against his ear.

_Like you said i havent had any compliants_. His hand was shaking too much for autocorrect to be able to save his message, but spelling wasn’t exactly high on his list of priorities. In Gladio’s head he was still being fucked by a man whose face was tantalisingly out of reach, and he was revelling in the feeling of having Spectare ‘talk’ him to orgasm.

His gut and balls felt tight like he was getting close, and his growing incoherence seemed to tip Spectare off to that fact, if the next message was any indication.

_If you want to come, I’ll be right there with you, thinking about how good you’d feel around my cock._

That almost did Gladio in right then and there, but he held off his orgasm for long enough to type out another message before throwing his phone down and properly losing himself in the fantasy Spectare had helped him construct. Finally shoving his underwear all the way off, Gladio spread his legs wide and arched his back, his other hand now free to skim over his balls and press up against his asshole.

He wanted to feel Spectare’s cock opening him up and Spectare’s hand jerking him off, wanted to hook his leg over Spectare’s shoulder so that he could kiss that wry grin off his face and bury his hands in that gelled-high fringe to mess it up-

-wait, what?

The momentary confusion of his faceless lover becoming _Ignis_ was enough to pull Gladio back from the edge of orgasm, but only by the smallest amount. His dick didn’t seem too bothered by the change, happy to be stroked to thoughts of Spectare or Ignis or Raeda or whoever else, but Gladio wasn’t about to welcome the guilt that tended to follow getting off to thoughts of his best friend.

Reluctantly pulling his hand away from where it was teasing his hole, Gladio picked up his phone again and was greeted by a picture of defined abdominals covered in come. It was enough to force his brain back on the right track, and his fantasy melted back into anonymity as the knowledge that he’d made Spectare come put Gladio right back on the edge.

He kept a hold of his phone this time, imagining himself licking the come from that tight stomach as he covered himself in his own, his hips rocking through his orgasm and a sense of pure, satisfied relief settling over him when the initial rush of hot pleasure settled down.

It took a few moments until Gladio could pull himself together enough to return the final favour, resting his come-covered fingers on his lower stomach and dredging up enough energy to flex his abdominals for one last photo.

_Very nice,_ Spectare said in response, leaving a lazy smile on Gladio’s face as he grabbed a tissue to clean himself up. It was getting late so he decided not to chase up on the _why_ or the _how_ of the whole situation, knowing they’d have time to talk later.

_Thanks, Spectare. I’ll message you tomorrow, yeah? Have a good night._

_I already did_ , Spectare replied, Gladio laughing at the winking face that followed. _Sorry for distracting you, but I couldn’t resist. Sleep well, Karus._

If he hadn’t already been drained, that admission probably would have had Gladio ready to go again, but instead it simply sent a little shock of pleasure up his spine. Kicking his underwear off the bed, Gladio slipped his naked body under the covers and reached over to put his phone on charge.

He supposed he should probably have felt bad about leaving Raeda hanging, but the afterglow of his orgasm wasn’t letting him feel anything except _good._ It had been a lot more pleasurable than getting off in the shower, that was for sure.

Maybe it was a little weird that he hadn’t seen Spectare’s face or learned his name while becoming reasonably well-acquainted with his cock, but Gladio wasn’t about to complain. Really, what was a little sexting between anonymous internet friends?

...He definitely hoped that Spectare would be up for it again, at least.


	4. 22/23

If Gladio had thought his life was busy  _ before,  _ it had nothing on the chaos that only got worse as Noctis’ wedding day approached. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d managed to fit in a date, or even found time to exchange a few pictures with his very occasional sexting partner-slash-internet friend, and it was wearing on him. He was tired and horny and stressed out, and he was pretty sure that everyone else around him was at least two of those things as well. 

It felt more than weird to know that Noctis- reserved, introverted Noctis who couldn’t flirt if he had a script in front of him- was going to get married, even if the whole thing had been organised without his input. It was an important step towards becoming king, and Gladio was feeling acutely aware of the passage of time.

Noctis was getting married, and there Gladio was with an uncomfortably long-lived pointless crush on his best friend, a sort-of crush on his anonymous internet friend, and no actual action to speak of. 

That was what finally spurred Gladio into action, knowing that all of them were fast approaching a turning point in their lives and they would be leaving Insomnia in two days. Noctis wasn’t a kid anymore, which meant that Gladio _definitely_ wasn’t a kid anymore, and it was stupid for him to be holding onto unfulfilled flames that had been stuck in limbo for literally years.

He was going to ask Spectare to meet up, if only so he could gauge if there was really something between them or not. He was an adult and by Titan, he was going to tie up those loose ends.

He probably would have preferred to ask Ignis out, in all truth, but there was no way that would go well. Ignis was somehow even busier than Gladio was, his days filled with wedding preparations and making sure that Noctis wasn’t going to embarrass his kingdom in front of the entire planet. Gladio and Prompto were picking up the slack wherever they could, but it was obvious that Ignis only found more to do.

Gladio was smart enough to know that only rejection lay down that path, and he certainly didn’t enjoy being turned down. Making sure he’d be able to clear out at least a little space in his schedule, Gladio sat down in the locker room to send a message, tossing his phone in his bag and going to work out immediately afterwards.

_ Hey, I know this is kind of out of the blue after so long, but I’ve got some big life changes coming up. There are a few things I want to get done before then, and one of them is asking if you want to grab a drink or dinner with me. What do you say? _

The exercise didn’t really help him keep his mind off his phone, but it was  _ something  _ to do and it did help a little with the stress. He even managed to joke around with the other Crownsguard members who were also using the gym, and no one seemed to pick that anything was off with him.

Still, despite pushing himself to his limits, Gladio practically ran back to the locker room after he’d finished his workout. His head hadn’t been in the game at all and he was endlessly glad that Cor hadn’t been around to critique his form. It wouldn’t have been a glowing assessment, that much was for sure.

A notification of a new message was waiting on Gladio’s screen when he turned his Libraphone 7 on, and if his heart was pounding in his chest it was definitely only due to the exercise. Swallowing hard, he opened the new message, glad he had the locker room to himself for once.

_ Karus, I know it will sound empty but I can’t meet you despite how much I wish I could. I’ve been toying with the same idea for perhaps a little too long now, and I fear I’ve missed my chance. You’re not the only one who is facing some rather big changes and there’s really no free time in my foreseeable future. I really am sorry, and I wish I’d been less of a coward when I still had the time to give you the attention you deserve. _

Disappointment weighing him down, Gladio balled his fists and breathed through it. It could have been an excuse, but for whatever reason he trusted Spectare not to lie to him. Of course, it wasn’t forever: he could probably try again once the whole wedding business was over and done with. Rejection stung, though, and Gladio had to shower and think before he could come up with a proper reply.

_ It’s okay, I could have tried earlier and I didn’t so that’s on me too. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to be in contact for a while, but I haven’t forgotten you and I’ll be after you again once everything’s calmed down a bit, alright? _

The next message came through as he was collecting his stuff to leave, Gladio pausing to read it. At the very least, it put a smile on his face despite everything, and Gladio wondered how Spectare always managed to put him at ease.

_ I’ll look forward to it. Be safe and healthy, Karus. _

* * *

Sometimes Gladio could have sworn he caught Ignis watching him over the campfire or in the cramped caravans, but no matter how hard he tried he could never see the heated looks in the light of day.

Gladio wanted to pull him aside and sit down for a proper talk where they could sort out the bullshit that had been hanging between them  _ forever,  _ but there was no free time when they had a tight schedule to keep, and no privacy when the four of them were crammed into the same spaces all the time. Gladio didn’t exactly want to have that conversation in front of Noctis and Prompto, and he was fairly confident that Ignis would feel the same. 

Of course, between the exhaustion of being on the road and the sheer stress of what they were heading for, Gladio couldn’t completely discount the possibility that he was imagining it. He’d lost his last non-solo outlet after Spectare had turned him down, their messages coming to a stop, and he was starting to go a little wild. It was even impossible to find time to jerk off, what with three others in his space all the time.

And so the status quo continued, Gladio feeling himself winding tighter and tighter all the while knowing that something had to give.

And it did.

* * *

The days following Insomnia’s fall were a mess of horrible emotions and painful missions, Gladio too busy worrying about his sister and his friends while grieving for his dad to think of much other than what was right in front of him.

It was only when he was idly scrolling through his phone during a quiet night in front of a caravan that he came across his message thread with Spectare, having sat dormant since Gladio had asked to meet and been refused. He’d wanted to give Spectare some space and had decided to wait for the other man to reach out first, but now he didn’t even know if Spectare was alive. 

If he’d been caught up in the fall of Insomnia, Gladio would never really know what had happened to him. His fingers shaking, Gladio breathed hard and typed out a quick message.

_ Are you okay? Did you make it out of Insomnia? _

Staring blankly at the screen as the message sent, Gladio wondered if maybe Spectare’s phone had been destroyed in the attack and he hadn’t had internet access since. That would certainly explain the lack of contact…

The sound of Ignis inhaling sharply had Gladio looking up at him, Noctis and Prompto doing the same. 

“You okay?” Noctis asked, his eyebrows raised. Ignis had a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide, and he nodded stiffly.

“I...just heard from a friend in Insomnia. I thought he’d…” Ignis trailed off and Noctis and Prompto made sympathetic noises as they returned to what they’d been doing. Gladio, on the other hand, was watching Ignis closely.

It was a coincidence. It had to be.

He watched as Ignis typed out a message, and the seconds after his fingers went still seemed to stretch on for an impossibly long time. Gladio’s attention was torn between Ignis and his own phone, and each passing moment seemed to dash his hopes that little bit more.

And then his phone buzzed in his hand.

_ I’m fine, I wasn’t in Insomnia when the attack happened. I’m so glad to hear from you. _

Gladio’s heart was pounding and he didn’t know how to handle it. Spectare was sitting across from him, completely unaware that the man he’d been exchanging messages with for seven years was right there. He couldn’t let Ignis stay in the dark, but he clamped his lips shut to avoid saying something in front of Noctis and Prompto. 

This was none of their business.

But Spectare had told Gladio about the crush he had on his fitness freak, Henruit-loving friend, and that thought stole Gladio’s breath away, making the decision about how to proceed for him. Now that he was painfully, intimately aware of how quickly and easily he could lose everything, the time for playing games and tolerating uncertainty was long gone.

_ I wasn’t there either, too busy taking a certain lazy prince on a little cross-country trip to get married with his best friend and my hot friend who I’ve had a crush on forever. _

His eyes fixed on Ignis, whose gaze was glued to his phone, Gladio could feel his whole body shaking while he waited to see what Ignis’ reaction would be- or if the whole thing had been a sick coincidence.

But Ignis’ phone went off in short order, Gladio watching as his smile dropped and his eyes went impossibly wide. Ignis’s head shot up so quickly that he fumbled his phone, Gladio forcing a small, bemused smile in the face of Ignis’ obvious shock.

“Wh-...I…” Ignis said, Gladio shaking his head and pointing at his phone. Ignis nodded sharply and waited, Gladio quickly typing another message.

_ I didn’t know it was you until just then, I promise. Guess I got that meetup I wanted after all. _

Ignis met his eyes after reading the message, and it was obvious that he believed what Gladio had said. Gladio still wasn’t quite sure what to do, though, and it was almost a relief when Ignis looked back down at his phone.

_ I should have known it was you. No one likes those stupid books as much as you do. _

_ RUDE,  _ Gladio replied, Ignis ducking his head to hide his laugh. 

Gladio grinned as well, but it faded away and his eyes went wide as realisation hit him. Frantically fumbling through a new message, he glanced up at Ignis every few seconds while he wondered when the real gravity of the situation would sink in.

_ YOU’VE SEEN MY DICK  
MORE THAN ONCE _

Ignis’ phone buzzed and this time he barely stifled a laugh, quickly making sure that Prompto and Noctis weren’t paying attention to him while he replied.

_ It’s a nice dick, so I’m actually glad it’s you attached to it and not an absolute creep. _

Gladio’s cheeks went red and his dick twitched, and somehow he felt like Ignis absolutely knew it. 

Two could play at that game, though.

_ If you want, you can see it in person now. Although I am kind of offended that you kept calling me a gym rat. _

The way Ignis uncrossed and recrossed his legs was beyond suspicious, although Gladio’ self-satisfied laugh died when Ignis gave him a heated  _ look.  _ He was suddenly reacquainted with how he’d felt when he was 18 and painfully hot for his best friend, although this time it felt a little less hopeless. 

Ignis was the man who’d helped him come to terms with his sexuality, who had talked him through some of the most confusing moments of his life, who he’d shared _really hot_ sexts with. Thinking back, it probably should have been obvious that his friend who reminded him so much of Ignis _actually was Ignis,_ but it wasn’t like he’d had any reason to suspect that they were one and the same.

_ I think we should meet up back out here once the other two have gone to bed.  _

Reading the message, Gladio quirked an eyebrow at Ignis and got an eye roll in return, Ignis going back to his phone and Gladio’s own vibrating in his hand after a few moments.  _ To talk, you over-sexed behemoth. _

_ Well the dick offer is on the table if you want it _ , Gladio sent back. He knew he was perhaps being a little too shameless, but Spectare-  _ Ignis,  _ and that damn nickname made more sense now _ \-  _ had always encouraged him to be true to himself…

Oh Astrals, years ago he’d told Ignis about how much of a crush he’d had on Ignis. Cringing, Gladio couldn’t look up at Ignis, but his phone soon vibrated in his hand anyway.

_ I’ll think about it. _

His gaze going up, Gladio watched as Ignis gave him a slow, deliberate wink, and Gladio’s hungry grin was the last of it when Noctis finally looked up and noticed them.

“What’re you grinning about?”

“None of your business,” Gladio said, Ignis laughing and looking away. Despite everything that had happened, it was a reminder that they still all had each other, and that definitely helped.

It _also_ helped that his stupid unrequited feelings maybe weren’t so stupid and unrequited after all, even though he’d been sitting on them for five years without any sort of resolution. Gladio’s thoughts were interrupted when his phone buzzed in his hand again, his heart beating even faster as he read the message.

_ I can’t think of anyone I would have preferred to be Karus. I really am glad it’s you. _

Biting his lip, Gladio typed his last message to Spectare, now knowing that he had better ways of making contact than an anonymous messaging app.

_ Me too, Iggy. Thanks for everything. _

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on [Tumblr](http://socialdegenerate.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](http://twitter.com/socialdegener8)


End file.
